Friend or Foe? Part 2

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Then Moses summoned Joshua and said to him in the presence of all Israel, “Be strong and courageous, for you must go with this people into the land that the Lord swore to their forefathers to give them, and you must divide it among them as their inheritance. The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deutoronomy 31:6-8

Last week, I talked about being a true friend both in their presence and away from them. This week, I want to talk about what to do when conflict arises between you and a friend or when a friend fails you in some way. When we are faced with a situation of conflict or disagreement, a lot of women tend to get angry, hold a grudge and stop speaking to that person. I see that happening a lot in churches. People who had a disagreement twenty years ago, still pass each other in the hallway without even a kind hello. So, think right now about the people in your life that you are related to, work with, or go to church with. Are there people that you aren’t speaking to? If so, why? Have you done all that you can do to restore this relationship? Humbling yourself before God and others is a very hard thing to do. I think most everyone struggles with that. But at what cost? How many more meaningful relationships could we have if we did this? I have noticed something in our society that bothers me greatly. The saying goes, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going!” I think that is true in a negative sense. It seems that when a situation gets hard, we get a divorce, quit a job, find another church, or end a relationship with a friend. Instead of working hard to resolve the situation and restore the relationship, we just leave and run from our problems. But what good does this do? It may alleviate some pain temporarily, but what will happen the next time we come across a similar situation? So, instead of leaving, we must stick it out and learn from the situation so that the next time conflict arises, and there will be a next time, we will have a better understanding of how to deal with it and it won’t seem like such a big deal. Now, I must say that there are certain situations where leaving is the only option, but this is only when personal safety is and issue and all avenues to restore the relationship have been unsuccessful. Most people do not even attempt to restore, instead they take the easy way out of leaving.

If you find yourself repeatedly in situations of conflict with others, you must not play the blame game. Instead you must examine your own heart and life first to see if you have a certain attitude or behavior that contributes to these problems. Maybe your expectations are too high. You might expect others to always fulfill your needs or to always do what is right (in your opinion), and when they fail you in this way, you give them the silent treatment as punishment for their failure. Chances are though, that person has no idea what has caused this and therefore the silent treatment does absolutely no good. The truth is that we all sin at times and we all fail. What you have to accept is that you fail others as well. Let God be the judge of their motives and behaviors. The Holy Spirit convicts us when we do wrong, and so if others “convict” us too, that doesn’t help us change our ways, it causes more problems. Maybe we could try to restore that person in love. Loving them and guiding them towards God will help them so much more. You cannot change anyone but yourself, so it is wasted energy when you judge others and try to change them. What that person really needs is your love.

Maybe today you are the one being left by others. Maybe they are giving you the silent treatment or blaming you for a bad situation. If so, let me assure you that you are not alone. Many of us are in or have been in a situation like this in our lives. The Bible tells us in 1 Peter 4:12 ,”do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.” It is painful and it is to be expected in this life. It breaks your heart and causes you to doubt yourself. If someone claims that you have failed them in someway, what are we to do? Pray and ask God to reveal the truth to you. If you have failed that person, you should go to them and make things right. Ask God to forgive you as well. Take responsibility for your part of the problem and let God take care of the rest. Remember, “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” We all have failed because we are human. Do not let this pain cause you to become bitter. You must forgive those who have hurt you and cling to God. He will restore your soul and heal your heart. As Deutoronomy 31 says, you are never alone because God will never leave you nor forsake you. No matter how others may hurt you and leave you, God does not want us to be afraid or discouraged. Instead he wants us to be strong and courageous, knowing that He is going with us every step of the way, in fact he is already in front of you preparing a way for you to make it through this situation. He will give you the strength you need. If you turn to God throughout this time, you will be a little bit closer to being the person God meant for you to be. Through trials we are made more like Him. Because of that, it is worth it.