Friend or Foe? Part 1

The question I have for you to ponder today is this: what kind of a friend are you? If your best friend knew everything you have ever done or said in regards to her, would she consider you a friend or a foe? I believe that there are a lot of us who would be considered a foe, or enemy. We appear to be someone’s good friend, but when we are with other people, we are not loyal to that person and say things we shouldn’t. This is not only hurtful to that person, but hurtful to ourselves. But most importantly, it separates us from God. It builds a wall between us and God, not because God turns away from us, but by doing these things, we are turning away from God. There are things we do to our friends that are very displeasing to God. Pray right now and ask Him to show you if this is a problem area for you. There are many things we do to jeopardize our friendships, such as gossiping, talking bad about others and judging others. Do you make it a habit to do these things and do your friends do these things as well? Most likely, if your friends do them, then you do too, because we tend to associate with people who have similar attitudes as we do. Now, we all know that these things are wrong and yet we do them anyway. Why is this? Because whatever comes out on the tongue is a result of what is in the heart. If you struggle with issues of the tongue, such as gossiping, you can try to tame your tongue and keep from speaking those things, but the real issue is what is in your heart that is causing those hurtful things to come out. Psalm 39:3 says, “My heart grew hot within me, and as I meditated, the fire burned; then I spoke with my tongue . . .” What came out of the author’s mouth was a result of what was in his heart. You have a choice every day whether your words are going to tear people down or build them up. “A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue,” (Proverbs 11:12). “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing,” (Proverbs 12:18). “The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit,” (Proverbs 15:4). The Bible is clear that it is our responsibility to choose what will come out of our mouths in order to either bring life to a soul or to kill it. Every day, I hope that we will choose life. If we would build each other up daily, we could do so much more for God and impact others so much more. So what can we do to tame our tongues? What causes us to be so hurtful? First of all, it is a result of sin in this world. It is our nature to be negative and hurtful. That is why we have to work so hard at it. If you don’t put forth the effort by taking care of your heart, your fruit will be diseased. So, first, we must make things right with God. Asking for forgiveness for our bad attitudes and killing words. Then ask God to show you what is in your heart that is causing these bad attitudes to come out. Is it that you have been hurt yourself by someone and you have never completely relieved them of that debt? Maybe your unforgiveness has turned into bitterness, which is causing you to have a negative attitude in life. Or maybe your spiritual journey is at a stand still. Maybe it is dry and neglected. There is a song I used to sing in Bible school called input/output. It goes, “Input, output, what goes in is what comes out! Input, output, that is what it’s all about. Input, output, the Bible tells us all about. Input, output your mind is a computer whose input, output daily you must choose.” If you fill your mind with godly thoughts and attitudes, then godly thoughts and attitudes will come out. If you are filling it with gossip, slander and judgments of others, then that is what is going to come out. Following are some positive things you can do to make your attitudes and words more positive:

1) Before you get up out of bed, pray to God that everything that comes out of your mouth will be pleasing to him. Ask him to help you to know when to speak and when to be silent.
2) Spend time everyday reading the Bible and searching for what God has to say to you. Not just in “devotions” because all good Christians do that, but really desiring to spend time with Him and learning more about Him. This also is a heart thing.
3) Search your heart for any bitterness or unforgiveness towards anyone, even yourself or God. Ask God to show you this.
4) Think about your attitude and how you look at life. Do you see the glass half empty or half full? If you see the glass half empty, then you will be more apt to have a negative attitude towards others, which will in turn, bring out gossip, slander and judging towards others. Attitude is a choice.
5) Memorize Scriptures that will be helpful to you.
6) When you are faced with a situation where others are talking about another person, try saying something nice about that person. It really cools the fire of gossip. If this doesn’t work say, “I am uncomfortable with this conversation.” And leave.
7) Try complimenting someone you are having problems with thinking bad about. Try to see the good in people.
8) Understand that many times, when people hurt you or do something you don’t agree with, it is all a misunderstanding. Give them the benefit of the doubt.